That's only part of the picture, though. Without delving too far into the area of gender psychology, I'll offer the observation that women generally seem to be wired to not want us to leave. With all due respect to the fairer sex-and they are indeed-most of 'em would rather have us at home, puttering around the house. To a guy who has never been on a trip away without his wife, all the gifts and chores-and concomitant wealth in kitchen points-won't seem to matter. He's got a different sort of problem, as in how does he establish the precedent for doing that kind of thing in the first place? And then if he achieves that, how can he continue to take such trips on any kind of regular basis?
The answer is that it can't be a choice. It can't be asked as a question. And it certainly can't be put out there-like many guys do-as a request for permission.
I wish I had a nickel for every rider we've ever spoken with over the years who, upon hearing about one of our upcoming trips, has enthusiastically expressed an interest in going along. They'll be there through all the talk and planning-"Damn right I'll be there!"-right up until the end, at which point they'll quietly bail. There will be all sorts of excuses offered for the sudden change in heart. But we always know the real reason why, of course.
They couldn't get permission.
To all the guys in that boat, here is a suggestion: Be mindful of your better half's feelings. Truly try and understand her fears and concerns. Honestly ask yourself what seems to be an appropriate-and fair-mix of being at home and being away. And give her lots of notice, lots of time to get used to the idea of your being away at a particular time, on a particular trip. But at the end of the day don't pose it as a question. Don't ask, "Would you mind if I went on a motorcycle trip with Jack and Dave in a couple of weeks?" You'll probably get a less-than-direct response, but you already know what the answer will be. Far better is "Jack and Dave are heading down to Deal's Gap on their bikes next July, and I think I'll go along."
You're still going to get some push-back. But the whole tenor of the conversation has changed from why you should go to why you shouldn't. And if a truly good reason can be articulated for why you shouldn't go, well, then you probably shouldn't.
Don't expect a panacea. I honestly don't know a single guy, even one like myself who is blessed with a wife of remarkable tolerance, who doesn't still occasionally run into a bit of unhappiness when he leaves. After 30 years with Ginny-long conditioned to my wanderings-there are still sometimes a few tears as I head down the driveway. But at least she understands that my leaving has nothing to do with her and everything to do with this two-wheeled passion she married into. And she knows that I'll be back in a few days, or a week, or whatever the case might be.
She also knows-and this is the other side of the coin-that when she wants to do something herself without me, I'll fully support her in that. She often spends a week at the beach with one of her sisters or a few days away at some race with some of her running pals, and she knows that I'll do everything I can to make sure she's able to do those things, including burning vacation time if necessary so the domestic chores at home will be covered while she's away.
In the end it all comes down to respect. She's got to respect you and the things that are part of your nature. And you've got to respect her and the things she does that are part of hers.
That, and making sure there are enough kitchen points in the kitty.